So some of you may know I turned 21 years old this week. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday because birthdays for me in the past reminded me of everything bad about my life. Another year of struggling with pornography, loneliness, not feeling loved, not having my Father around and overall just bad mood swings.
But recently I have realized that the prayers that I prayed as a young girl have actually been answered. For awhile I have been looking for love and acceptance. But I was looking for it in all the wrong people. I honestly thought it would came from having a boyfriend or someone like that in my life. In my head I thought it was better to have one person to rely on for everything than to have lots of friends that can let you down. Basically the fear of rejection. But the weird thing is, everyone that I have ever liked was not right for me. They only wanted one thing so somehow it wouldn’t work out. I thank God because I understand now that he was just protecting me from them. I just didn’t know. I used to think…. is there something wrong with me? I am not pretty enough? Or is there something just weird about me? Am I too spiritual ? Maybe I should just let my guard down.. just once. Am I actually going to be lonely for the rest of my life God?
But this week I’ve realized my friends have what I was looking for .God has blessed me with such amazing friends. Sometimes I just can’t believe it. Like me ? How ? I have people that are ready to do life with me. To see me grow into the woman God has called me to be. People that I am comfortable around. We can talk about everything and anything . It’s mad. With all their different personalities , qualities, skills and talents they are what I was praying for as a young girl (I feel so happy, so fulfilled….lol). Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects , it always trusts. Always hopes and always perserves. Love never fails.
Rihanna says you find love in a hopeless place, I don’t agree. Yes, I didn’t find love where I thought it would be. But I found love right in front of me.