So this was supposed to be published  a few weeks ago but I didn’t want to be a fake or pretend that this forgiveness journey is going really well. I talked myself out of writing about forgiveness because I am still struggling with it. I don’t want people to read my post and think… Daniella has forgiven  everyone in her life that has ever done her wrong. She is fine now. She’s sorted out her unforgiveness issues. Because that’s not the case at all. I wanted to be transparent. But I realized by not saying anything I wasn’t being transparent and that beats the whole purpose of my blog. For the past few weeks I have been thinking, thinking a lot. It’s what I do best (struggles of an overthinker). But today whilst I was thinking again,  I realized  I forgot I mentioned forgiveness is a journey in my  other post titled: It’s time to forgive your Father. I forgot to remind myself the journey isn’t straight forward. When I want to complete a task I make multiple to do lists in my notebook. I put forgiveness on my to do the list of life. But it’s not that straight forward and easy, well to me. Making the choice to forgive was very uncomfortable for me because I had to let go of negative emotions that had become part of me. I guess I didn’t want to let go. I wasn’t ready for who Daniella will be without bitterness, anger and resentment. I got used to having a screw face (LOL) , pushing people away and guarding my heart with a thick brick wall. However, it’s abit ironic because deep down I didn’t want to be like that. I wanted to find  who God made me originally. God made me to love, to be loved, happy, free, creative , spontaneous, joyful , kind and oh yeah to dance 24/7 especially to Afrobeats (joking).

So what I am trying to say is I can’t tell you how to forgive because everyone is different. We react to things differently. But what I can tell you is:

  • Let go – make the choice to let go of the person or situation that hurt you . No one can force you to forgive not even God but he wants you to because he knows you’ll be a much more better person if you do.
  • Let God  – when you choose to forgive , you are throwing away  the rubbish in your heart  like anger, bitterness, fear and pain. But you can’t leave your heart empty right? That’s when you let God do a work on your heart and let the fruits of the spirit dwell  within our heart instead. When I say fruits of the spirit I mean love, joy , peace , kindness, self-control  and  gentleness found in Galatians 5: 22-23. (Notice these are opposites  to what unforgiveness brings)
  • Pray for God to give you strength – as I said before it might be uncomfortable. This is why you need God to give you strength. If you do it on your own you can only go so far. Make the joy of the Lord your strength. Don’t do it for the person who hurt you, do it for God. For me it’s easier to imagine God to be my biological Father and I am his little princess. When ever I stop my self from doing something bad i.e sinning . I imagine Abba Father (God ) saying well done Daniella , my beautiful little princess, you make me so proud, I love you and want the best for you, thank you for listening to me I will never let you down and then he gives me a big fat Fatherly hug (cute right?).
  • Pray for the person that hurt you – Before I made the decision to forgive. I didn’t pray for my blood Father because  I hated him. But now because I am growing in my faith  I actually want him to do well in life. After all he is God’s son too. What I do now is I write down prayer points and  try to analyse my prayer life .When I stop praying for him I know there is something wrong. It’s probably because the negative feelings I had towards him are creeping back in again. So I don’t entertain these feelings and  pray continously for them to go until they do.

Praying for people who have hurt you and wishing them well in life  is a big sign whether you are growing and you are near the end of your forgiveness journey. Being able to speak to them and have a relationship with them is an even bigger sign. But calm down, I am not saying start calling everyone that has hurt you and try be friends with them. Because some relationships are not meant to be. But learn from the pain and hurt let it shape you , shape you positively.

Forgiveness is a Journey 
But make sure you complete it 
Listen to God, don’t be like Moses 
Get to your land of Milk and Honey  

2 thoughts on “How to forgive

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