“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were,
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
What do Mary, Gideon, Sarah, Abraham, Peter, Thomas and I have in common? The answer is DOUBT. When Daniella asked me to write for Mastering Transparency I was so honoured, the issue was mastering my transparency to an audience that is quite frankly unquantifiable as it is over the internet. But here I am. So I named this post ‘Mrs Doubtfire’ and no it has no connection to the funny character of Robin Williams in one of my favourite movies of all time. Mrs Doubtfire refers to the doubting Thomas within me and trust when I say I underestimated how strong or fiery it could be.
University has been a time of discovery for me, especially realizing my personal relationship with Christ and my divine purpose however it has also meant a time of serious struggles and it wasn’t till this weekend that I openly spoke about my struggles. My biggest struggle being my feeling of inadequacy and that stemmed directly from my ‘Mrs Doubtfire.’ Thomas did not believe that Jesus had arisen and visited the disciples, in fact he wouldn’t believe until he saw the results of his time on the cross. The biggest shock was realizing that I was not that different to Thomas and this doubt which started as a small thing like doubting his love for me even though the word informed me that he had counted every hair upon my head. See I knew what the word said but ‘Mrs Doubtfire’ said otherwise. The doubt which started as a small thing became so big it began to creep into every aspect of my life. I doubted my ability to pass my degree… doubted whether my friends truly liked me… doubted if I would ever find love, you know the kind you read about in fairy tales when you were younger. I even started to doubt his voice.
Now my Father is a funny God because admits all of this he did not stop speaking to me, showing his presence in aspects of my life. He was saying ‘My child I am here’… But Mrs Doubtfire was not giving up the fight that easy. She had a response to everything my Father had to say. Safe to say I got so weighed down with doubt that I just broke down. Outwardly, I appeared great but my inside was a hot mess of emotions, confusion and yes MORE DOUBT. It was like Pandora’s Box had been opened and in essence in doubting him I doubted myself.
It was easy for me to say I trusted and had faith but the reality was I had no understanding of those words. But I decided that it was about time I came head to head with ‘Mrs Doubtfire.’ There truly is power in a change of perspective. I decided I needed to alter my mind-set. To stop seeing myself as inadequate but rather an asset to his Kingdom. To start seeing myself through his eyes. I began to speak positive into my life and gave my New Year to God. Also I decided that I would say yes to his will, no holds barred, regardless of how I felt. I made the choice to leave Mrs Doubtfire behind in 2016 and carry optimism, hope and faith into 2017. Now I’m not saying she won’t make a re-appearance in this year but what I am saying is he has equipped me to deal with her effectively and he too has a response for anything she has to say.
Every one has a little bit of Mrs Doubtfire within or has had an encounter with her. But I am here to tell you that he has not planted any form of doubt in your life. In his word we will find truth always. In his presence we will find love, favour, mercy and grace. I know the plans he has for me… plans to prosper me and not to harm and I choose to believe that these are not mere words but a promise between a father and child.
“Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
Now I have said we all can have the doubting characteristics of Thomas but I pray that in this New Year our belief will not stem from sight and that we begin to tackle our ‘Mrs Doubtfires’ in the aim of living out our divine purpose.
I pray that you remain Forever Blessed